Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
