She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
