pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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