Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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