He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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