you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
