similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
