He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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