I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
