Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
