Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
