I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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