K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I died a long time ago.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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