I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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