Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
