i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to make out with him forever
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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