he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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