I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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