I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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