i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
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So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.