Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.