A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
