oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
