I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
