I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
