Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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