were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
