3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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