if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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