I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
