if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
