I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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