I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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