Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize