now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
