and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
