the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
40s are totally the cure
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
