I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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