my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
