I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
