Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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