I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
