If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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