btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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