i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
