I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
