You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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