the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
