I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
