you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I know her cup size but not her name....
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