Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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