Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
