I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cannot find my penis.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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