ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
