im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
