apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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