i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
