I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's like iHOP with fire
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
