i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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