i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
