my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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