Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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