if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
