why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
