please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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