I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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