Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
