It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
